There is an important parallel between the fear of flying and the fear of striking out on your own. There are so many things that are beyond your control, and taking-off (in either context) is the riskiest part.
I never cease to be amazed at the first moment when an airplane feels like a kite in the wind right after takeoff.
No, there is no parallel at all, at least in my experience. Fear of striking out on your own is something that everyone should have a little of - it's healthy. But my fear of flying/heights is completely irrational and very strong.
I got a lot less comfortable flying after working in engineering for a major US airliner. I participated in an investigation as to why an engine suffered a catastrophic failure. The investigation was indecisive, the most likely conclusion being some mistake made in maintenance. There are still plenty of Boeing 757s with Rolls Royce engines flying so I don't think this particular event was indicative of an actual flaw with the engine.
Rather, what makes me uncomfortable, is that sometimes very important parts of the plane blow up and the engineers can't figure out why. But hey, at least there are two or four engines and three or more power supplies.
The last two flights I took, there was something physically wrong with the plane. The first of which occurred after takeoff (the landing gear would not retract), forcing us to circle at low altitude for about 40 minutes before landing; and the second required us to be grounded for about 60 minutes (a component on the wing needed to be replaced in order to pump fuel into the plane).
It doesn't give me much confidence in the quality controls of flying, but the fear mindset is much more insidious - and more importantly - in my own personal control. Whenever that mindset kicks in, I joke to myself that life has been good to me, and usually that takes care of things...
You might be able to get a prescription from a doctor for Xanax. It's an anti-anxiety drug and it's addictive, but one for each flight won't cause any problems. A friend of mine does that for his flights.
Sorry to hear that - I suppose mileage varies. My friend has a real fear of flying, and Xanax makes him not care at all (or about anything else, really - it's a good thing his wife was around to keep in line).
On the flip side, I sat next to a woman who had taken two Xanax and drank two screwdrivers during a three hour flight, and still gripped my hand (a complete stranger) during landing.
I never cease to be amazed at the first moment when an airplane feels like a kite in the wind right after takeoff.